A. A plague! theaese cow wont stand a bit,
Noo sooner do she zee me zit
Ageaen her, than she's in a trot,
A-runnen to zome other spot.
J. Why 'tis the dog do sceaere the cow,
He worried her a-vield benow.
A. Goo in, Ah! Liplap, where's your tail!
J. He's off, then up athirt the rail.
Your cow there, Anne's a-come to hand
A goodish milcher. A. If she'd stand,
But then she'll steaere an' start wi' fright
To zee a dumbledore in flight.
Last week she het the pail a flought,
An' flung my meal o' milk half out.
J. Ha! Ha! But Anny, here, what lout
Broke half your small pail's bottom out?
A. What lout indeed! What, do ye own
The neaeme? What dropp'd en on a stwone?
J. Hee! Hee! Well now he's out o' trim
Wi' only half a bottom to en;
Could you still vill en' to the brim
An' yit not let the milk run drough en?
A. Aye, as for nonsense, Joe, your head
Do hold it all so tight's a blather,
But if 'tis any good, do shed
It all so leaeky as a lather.
Could you vill pails 'ithout a bottom,
Yourself that be so deeply skill'd?
J. Well, ees, I could, if I'd a-got em
Inside o' bigger woones a-vill'd.
A. La! that is zome'hat vor to hatch!
Here answer me theaese little catch.
Down under water an' o' top o't
I went, an' didden touch a drop o't,
J. Not when at mowen time I took
An' pull'd ye out o' Longmeaed brook,
Where you'd a-slidder'd down the edge
An' zunk knee-deep bezide the zedge,
A-tryen to reaeke out a clote.
A. Aye I do hear your chucklen droat
When I athirt the brudge did bring
Zome water on my head vrom spring.
Then under water an' o' top o't,
Wer I an' didden touch a drop o't.
J. O Lauk! What thik wold riddle still,
Why that's as wold as Duncliffe Hill;
"A two-lagg'd thing do run avore
An' run behind a man,
An' never run upon his lags
Though on his lags do stan'."
What's that?
I don't think you do know.
There idden sich a thing to show.
Not know? Why yonder by the stall
'S a wheel-barrow bezide the wall,
Don't he stand on his lags so trim,
An' run on nothen but his wheels wold rim.
A. There's horn vor Goodman's eye-zight seaeke;
There's horn vor Goodman's mouth to teaeke;
There's horn vor Goodman's ears, as well
As horn vor Goodman's nose to smell—
What horns be they, then? Do your hat
Hold wit enough to tell us that?
J. Oh! horns! but no, I'll tell ye what,
My cow is hornless, an' she's knot.
A. Horn vor the mouth's a hornen cup.
J. An' eaele's good stuff to vill en up.
A. An' horn vor eyes is horn vor light,
Vrom Goodman's lantern after night;
Horn vor the ears is woone to sound
Vor hunters out wi' ho'se an' hound;
But horn that vo'k do buy to smell o'
Is hart's-horn. J. Is it? What d'ye tell o'
How proud we be, vor ben't we smart?
Aye, horn is horn, an' hart is hart.
Well here then, Anne, while we be at it,
'S a ball vor you if you can bat it.
On dree-lags, two-lags, by the zide
O' vower-lags, woonce did zit wi' pride,
When vower-lags, that velt a prick,
Vrom zix-lags, het two lags a kick.
An' two an' dree-lags vell, all vive,
Slap down, zome dead an' zome alive.
A. Teeh! heeh! what have ye now then, Joe,
At last, to meaeke a riddle o'?
J. Your dree-lagg'd stool woone night did bear
Up you a milken wi' a peaeir;
An' there a zix-lagg'd stout did prick
Your vow'r-lagg'd cow, an meaeke her kick,
A-hetten, wi' a pretty pat,
Your stool an' you so flat's a mat.
You scrambled up a little dirty,
But I do hope it didden hurt ye.
A. You hope, indeed! a likely ceaese,
Wi' thik broad grin athirt your feaece
You saucy good-vor-nothen chap,
I'll gi'e your grinnen feaece a slap,
Your drawlen tongue can only run
To turn a body into fun.
J. Oh! I woont do 't ageaen. Oh dear!
Till next time, Anny. Oh my ear!
Oh! Anne, why you've a-het my hat
'Ithin the milk, now look at that.
A. Do sar ye right, then, I don't ceaere.
I'll thump your noddle,—there—there—there.