1.
Once more from the dark ivies my proud harp!
I wish the sharpness of my ills to be
Shown in thy sounds, as they have been shown sharp
In their effects; I must bewail to thee
The occasions of my grief, the world shall know
Wherefore I perish, I at least will die
Confessed, not without shrift:
For by the tresses I am dragged along
By an antagonist so wild and strong,
That o'er sharp rocks and brambles, staining so
The pathway with my blood, it rushes by,
Than the swift-footed winds themselves more swift;
And to torment me for a longer space,
It sometimes paces gently over flowers,
Sweet as the morning, where I lose all trace
Of former pain, and rest luxurious hours;
But brief the respite! in this blissful case
Soon as it sees me, with collected powers,
With a new wildness, with a fury new,
It turns its rugged road to repursue.
2.
Not by my own neglect into such harm
Fell I at first, 'twas destiny that bore,
And gave me up to the tormenting charm,
For both my reason and my judgment swore
To guard me as in bygone years they well
Had guarded me in seasons of alarm;
But when past perils they compared with those
They saw advancing, neither could they tell
Or what to make of such unusual foes,
How to engage with them, or how repel;
But stared to see the force with which they came,
Till, spurred on by pure shame,
With a slow pace and with a timid eye,
At length my Reason issued on the way,
And more and more as the fleet foe drew nigh,
The more did aggravating doubt display
My life in peril; dreading lest the die
Of that day's battle should be lost, dismay
Made the hot blood boll in my veins, until,
Reclaimed, it sank into as cold a chill.
3.
I stood spectator of their chivalry;
Fighting in my defence, my Reason tired
And faint from thousand wounds became, and I,
Unconscious what the insidious thought inspired,
Was wishing my mailed Advocate to quit
The hopeless quarrel,—never in my life
Was what I wished fulfilled with so much ease,
For, kneeling down, at once she closed the strife,
And to the Lady did her sword submit,
Consenting she should have me for her slave,
As Victory urged, to slaughter or to save,
Whichever most might please.
Then, then indeed I felt my spirit rise,
That such unreasonable conditions e'er
Had been agreed to; anger, shame, surprise,
At once possessed me, fruitless as they were;
Then followed grief to know the treaty done,
And see my kingdom in the hands of one
Who gives me life and death each day, and this
Is the most moderate of her tyrannies.
4.
Her eyes, whose lustre could irradiate well
The raven night, and dim the mid-day sun,
Changed me at once by some emphatic spell
From what I was—I gazed, and it was done.
Too finished fascination! glassed in mine,
The glory of her eyeballs did imprint
So bright a fire, that from its heat malign
My sickening soul acquired another tint.
The showers of tears I shed assisted more
This transformation; broken up, I found,
Was my past peace and freedom, in the core
Of my fond heart, an all-luxuriant ground,
The plant whereof I perish struck its root
Deep as its head extended high, and dense
As were its melancholy boughs; the fruit
Which it has been my wont to gather thence,
Sour is a thousand times for one time sweet,
But ever poisonous to the lips that eat.
5.
Now, flying from myself as from a curse,
In search of her who shuns me as a foe,
I speed, which to one error adds a worse;
And in the midst of toil, fatigue, and woe,
Whilst the forged irons on my bound limbs ring,
Find myself singing as of old, but oh
How soon are checked the causeless songs I sing,
If in myself I lock my thoughts! for there
I view a field where nought but brambles spring,
And the black nightshade, garlanding despair.
Hope in the distance shows me, as she flies,
Her fluttering garments and light step, but ne'er
Her angel face,—tears rush into my eyes
At the delusion, nor can I forbear
To call her false as the mirage that kills
The thirsty pilgrim of the sandy waste,
When he beholds far-off, 'twixt seeming hills,
The stream he dies to taste;
With eager eye he marks its lucid face,
And listens, fancying that he heard it roar,
But when arrived in torment at the place,
Weeps to perceive it distant as before.
6.
Of golden locks was the rich tissue wove
Framed by my sympathy, wherein with shame
My struggling Reason was entrapped like Love
In the strong arms of Appetite, the fame
Whereof drew all Olympus to regard
The Fire-God's capture; but 'twere out of place
For me this capture to go gaze, debarred
Of that whereby to contemplate the case.
So circumstanced I find myself! the field
Of tournament is cleared, the foe descried,
Alarmed I stand, without or spear or shield,
Closed are the barriers, and escape denied.
Who at my story is not terrified!
Who could believe that I am fallen so low,
That to the grief I hurry from, my pride
Is oft-times found so little of a foe,
That at the moment when I might regain
A life of freedom, I caress my chain,
And curse the hours and moments lately lent
To freer thoughts, as mournfully mis-spent.
7.
This fancy is not always paramount,
For of a brain so wild the phantasies
Sleep not a moment; Grief at times will mount
The throne of Slavery, and her sceptre seize,
So that my fancy shrinks as from its place,
To shun the torture of its frightful face.
There is no part in me but frenzied is,
And wailed by me in turn; on my wild track,
Afresh protesting at the blind abyss,
I turn affrighted back.
Not urged by reason, not by judgment, this
Discretion of the mind is wholly lost;
All is become a barrenness or blot,
But this one grief, and ev'n the rising ghost
Of dead joy, gliding by, is heeded not;
I keep no chronicle of by-gone bliss,
But feel alone, within my heart and brain,
The fury and the force of present pain.
8.
In midst of all this agony and woe
A shade of good descends my wounds to heal;
Surely, I fancy, my beloved foe
Must feel some little part of what I feel.
So insupportable a toil weighs down
My weary soul, that did I not create
Some strong deceit, of power to ease the weight,
I must at once die—die without my crown
Of martyrdom, a registered renown,
Untalked of by the world, unheard, unviewed!
And thus from my most miserable estate
I draw a gleam of good.
But soon my fate this train of things reverses,
For if I ever from the storm find peace,
Peace nurtures fear, and fear my peace disperses,
Swift as a rainbow arched o'er raging seas;
Thus from the flowers which for a space console,
Springs up the serpent that devours my soul.
9.
Ode! if men, seeing thee, be seized with fright
At the caprice, inconstancy, and shock
Of these conflicting fancies of my brain,
Say that the cause thereof—tormenting pain,
Is stable, fixt, and changeless as a rock.
Say thou, that its fierce might
So storms my heart that it must yield, ere long,
Ev'n to a foe more terrible and strong;
To him, from whom all cross themselves—to save;
The Power whose home is in the lonely grave!