Then up stepped Reggie Toodlekins, the celebrated whip,
Who 's tooled the good coach Tally-ho on many a summer trip;
He bowed before the jury and he smiled upon the judge,
And when they asked, "Does docking hurt?" he answered them, "Oh, fudge!
I 've driven sixteen hundred steeds and every one was docked,—
Indeed, had they been otherwise, e'en they would have been shocked,—
And I assure you—'pon my word, I 'll gladly swear to it—
I never felt the slightest pain, not e'en a tiny bit!"
Then up rose Pauline Vandergold, the sporting heiress maid.
Who gazed upon the jury with a blue eye unafraid.
Does docking hurt?" She giggled then. "Excuse me if I smile,
But really that 's the funniest thing I 've heard in quite a while.
I 've thirty horses in my stalls, O Mr. Lawyer-man,
And banged is every tail of them from Jessie V. to Dan;
And though I 've lived among them since 'way back in '93,
Not one of all my equine pets has e'er complained to me."
Then up spake Mike O'Shaughnessy, a fresh-faced stable-boy—
A corner he in freckles, with a brogue without alloy.
Doos dockin' hur-ur-rt? Will, Oi din-naw!" he added with a cough;
Oi niver hod a tail mesilf, so no wan 's cut it off.
If Oi'd your job, your honor, judge, a-sittin' in the chair,
And yours, O jury gintlemin, a-frownin' over there,
Wid such a ca-ase for sittlemint, Oi rather t'ink moi course
Would be to l'ave dood witnisses, an' go an' ashk the horse."