If you wanted Fry to cook a chop, you’d find yourself mistaken,
And pills, not rashers, form the stock of enterprising Bacon;
Taylor goes in for selling boots, whilst Butler’s a musician,
And Cooper couldn’t hoop a tub with any expedition;
Long’s only four foot six, but Short’s miraculously long;
Strong’s dying of consumption, but the Weekes continue strong.
It’s strange to find that Butcher is a vegetarian,
That Brewer is teetotal, and Goodchild a bad old man.
Parsons is a publican, and Church an unbeliever,
Lawless a solicitor, Truelove a gay deceiver;
Steel deals in soft goods, Draper’s ware is advertised as hard,
And Gamble would be shocked at sight of domino or card;
Wright’s wrong as oft as any one, Dullman is smart and witty,
Miss Fortune is the luckiest young lady in the city;
Gray’s black, Black’s red, Green’s brown, and Gay is always on the mope,
Leggett is doomed to crutches, and old Curley bald as soap.